On the eve of the new year, and a new decade, I have some thoughts about what the first decade of the 21st century meant for me, personally, and what I happily foresee happening in my life during the next upcoming decade that will begin in a few short hours…

They last decade was the ten years in which I grew up from a boy to a young man to now a man. I just turned 30 years old this month, and as many people like to remind me. “Wow 30… Now you are really a man…” And they are right, it’s not just about the age, it’s more about how I grew emotionally and mentally as a person. I have so many fond memories of college, running around downtown Brooklyn, around the Metro-Tech campus of Polytechnic University. And for a long time (years in fact) during the last 10 years, I wanted to go back to that. I missed being that boy/young man, not really having responsibility. The city was my play ground at times.

So first I want to go over what happened in my life the last decade and what it meant to me:

Back in 2000, I was in my Junior and Senior year of my college career at Poly. I was a little behind on credits, but I really wanted to graduate in 4 years and get out into the “real world.” In other words, I was tired of school, tired of living at home, and I wanted to make money. Lots of money!

I doubled up on classes, and had a few consecutive semesters of 18-21 credits.

I also changed majors at this time, because I was too far behind on the pure CS curriculum, and even if I managed to pull passing grades in Differential Equations, Linear Algebra, and Discrete Mathematics, there was no way I was going to be able to graduate on time, at least 1 semester behind, or even possibly a full year.

So with the help of Paula (still only my girlfriend at the time), I made the extremely hard personal choice of switching majors to Information Management, which was still under the CS department, but had slightly less math, and slightly less CS based electives (although most electives were CS based), and the few electives pulled away from the CS courses, became information management related courses.

At the time it was one of the hardest decision I ever made, because I really wanted that BS in CS and not a BS in IM. This decision would effect me emotionally later in the decade, when I decided to try to go back to school for my CS masters to prove something to myself, but there was really never anything to prove.

There was always something more than academics for me. Academics for me was always just a tool to get to where I wanted to be in life. There was always this underlining desire, a need actually; one that is embedded in the fabric that made me the boy I was, the young man I became, and now the man that I continue to evolve being. I wanted to start a family. I always did, and I wanted to be strong for my family. Like my grandfather for his family, I wanted to be the stone, the foundation that everyone could rely on to help build them up to be able to do the same for their own families when the time comes. It was always one of the most important things to me since as far back as I could remember. Everything I did since I was 5 years old was to make me a better man in the future, in now what is the present, so I could start my family and help be a better head of that family.

So in May 2001, I graduated from Polytechnic University with my degree of BS in IM. and I got my first full time job at Lehman Brothers. I started as a Systems Analyst in 2001 (shortly before the September 11, attacks), as I skipped the entry level training program, since I worked at the company part-time throughout college, starting as an intern the summer between my freshman and sophomore years in 1998.

Over the summer when I started work full time at Lehman in 2001, Paula and I were basically broken up. We barely spoke to each other, let alone saw each other. I was depressed over this, and the only thing that made me feel a little better was shopping and blowing entire pay checks on expensive electronics and things like first generation wireless internet services, etc. At one point I was buying a new model of the Palms every week. J&R was my drug of choice during the breakup with Paula.

Fate pushed Paula and me back together. After 9-11, Paula lost her job at Telecordia, and she needed a place to live or she had to move back to California. I convinced her that we could get an apartment together and try to work things out.

In December 2001, pretty much on my 22nd birthday, Paula and I moved into our own apartment in Queens.

For the first time I was paying rent, paying for my own food, utilities, etc. There was little left over on my entry level salary for my habits, like electronics, legos, and music and movies.

I had REAL responsibilities. And no matter how little she did depend on me, I had Paula to think about as well. This is when I transformed from a boy to a young man.

My stomach problems which started in high school just kept on progressing throughout college, and continued to do so in the 00’s

Within a year I moved up to Senior Developer (2002). And Paula was on her way to Syracuse University to study for her MBA. We would visit each other on the weekends. We would fly from JFK or LGA to SYR, mostly on JetBlue or US Airways (mostly she few to the City, but I enjoyed the short times I spent up at Syracuse. I wish I took a week off here and there and stayed up there for a couple of weeks with her.)

Syracuse was a lot of fun. It felt so far removed from our apartment in Queens, my job at Lehman in Jersey City, and my responsibilities. It felt like I was a college kid again.

But these escapes from reality were short and I was at work every Monday (even going to work almost straight from JFK, with a quick stop at my queens apartment to change into my work clothes.) with a new goal.

I had to save money to buy Paula a ring! I woke up one Saturday next to Paula and it just hit me, I wanted to marry her. I still wasn’t making enough money to cover all of the living expenses and save for a ring, so I had to tighten the belt. I started making my own lunch instead of buying it, I also stopped buying my monthly DVDs and other small toys (like small legos sets). My entire 2003 bonus went towards the ring as well.

I worked hard to impress my manager and my manager’s manager, and a year after that in 2003 I became Team Leader.

2003 we made the decision to buy a condo in New Jersey and move out of the city. I was tired of apartment living and renting. Paula was studying abroad in London for a couple of months with an Internship as well, and I had to pick out the condo myself. She didn’t exactly like my choice, and we did a lot of renovations before moving in; especially the kitchen! :) Thanks Nonno! For two months, while we renovated, I moved back home to my mom’s, who also moved to Jersey a year before we decided to start looking in NJ.

2003 also had another big moment for Paula and me, bought her a ring from the diamond district in the City.

And on March 8, 2003, I proposed to Paula in the Brooklyn Botanical garden.

Paula graduated from her MBA a semester early, in December 2003. And the Christmas season had a dual personal celebration for us. Paula graduating and I unofficially was notified that I was going to be promoted to Assistant Vice President. I also got my first “big” bonus that year.

So it was official in 2004, and within three years of starting, I became Assistant Vice President (my first corporate officer title).

In 2004, I had a itch to see what else was out there for me professional-wise. I updated my resume and began submitting to companies and also posting on the Job sites.

I made it to the second round of interviews that Microsoft, and I had airline tickets to fly to Seattle, but Paula and I decided we really didn’t want to move to Seattle and I called it quits on the interview process. To this day, not finishing the interview process still leaves a bad taste in my mouth, and I promised myself back than, that I would never again not finish an interesting interview process, even if I already know I probably won’t accept an offer if one would be made for me.

I also received a job offer at Citigroup, which I turned down, after speaking with my management and decided to stay with Lehman and work on a new project.

It was now 2005, I moved up to Project Leader. I was working hard on a new project called EAM (Enterprise Account Management), where I was the architect and manager of the middleware team.

I still found time in my busy schedule to take dancing lessons with Paula for our upcoming wedding.

And on Friday, April 29, 2005, Paula and I got married! :) It was the happiest moment of my life to date! As you can see on our wedding DVD, I couldn’t stop crying at the alter. And my family will still tell me that seeing my cry for joy, made them all cry as well.

After the wedding, we had some money saved, and we were able to sell our condo for a large profit. We used the money to buy our town house in Bridgewater, NJ.

Having a large mortgage was tough. Back in the condo, the mortgage wasn’t much more than my rent, and other the years I got some raises, so we were living comfortable. Eating out multiple times as week, at least once or twice at the Cheese Cake Factory. Buying lets of DVDs, and legos, and so many useless things again.

It was time once again to tighten the belt and focus on the new house and starting our family. I also turn 25, and I definitely had a small “quarter life crisis”. I felt so much more like a family man. It was time to put wasteful things away and focus on my family. But at the same time, I still felt like just a big kid! :)

My stomach issues became too much to bare and Paula made me start seeing doctors. I was diagnosed with Ulcerative Colitis and Acid Reflux.

In 2006 the EAM project was full steam ahead, and screwing up really meant the possibility of getting fired or at least shifted out of the critical path. I became Project Manager on the middleware side, and by June, the system went live and was successful!

Paula started law school at Pace University, which definitely grounded us in the NY-NJ area.

In 2007 I was promoted to Vice President and managing a team of 12 directs.

My long running stomach issues finally were fixed after seeing four different types doctors.

My Nana (my grandmother on my father’s side) passed away after battle cancer for three years. It hit me pretty hard. I loved my Nana, she has a dedication in my book that I’m working on. She really did step in to help take care of me when another failed…

In 2008, we got our pooch Lily! A Siberian Husky that has brought an amazing amount of join to our home! We requested her from a breeder of show dogs located in Upstate New York before she was born. She was born on April 1st, 2008. She’s the most lively, cutest, and smartest pooch you have ever met.

This pretty much was the end of my climb in Lehman Brothers, as in 2008 at the height of the financial crisis, the government decided, “Lehman wasn’t too big to fail.”, and the company filed bankruptcy. What a mistake they made, and now a 150+ year old American company is gone, and the Brits are getting all the benefits of buying the remains of Lehman for 250 million for the business plus another 900 million in real estate (prime real estate off of Time Square).

2008 was a very busy year for me. I was interviewing at various companies since the collapse of Bear Sterns, being afraid that we were next. The Sunday night that Bear Sterns was bought by JP Morgan Chase, I updated my resume, which I did not update since that time I was interviewing while still working at Lehman back in 2004.

I interviewed at some many companies, that Paula and I bought had to work on scheduling the interviews, sometimes two companies a day. Some of the big names were: Apple, Google, JP Morgan Chase, eBay and PayPal, Ameritrade, Pershing Bank of NY. I got the job at Apple, but Paula and I made a decision not to move to Cuppertino, California to Apple’s HQ. I also got the job at Pershing twice, and twice turned it down.

Instead after the bankruptcy, I left Lehman (didn’t accept the Barclay’s offer; Barclay’s is the British bank that bought lehman for a song and a dance after helping to left it slip into bankruptcy, by leaving the meeting to save lehman the weekend of the bankruptcy. Since they both it after the bankruptcy, they are not responsible for it’s debts, etc…) and accepted an offer at Citigroup.

From the end of 2008, throughout 2009, and presently I have been working for Citi, building a new system. I retained my Vice President title, and I am the architect and Applications Development Senior Project Manager for ALL development on my current project. I currently am back up to my 12 direct reports, and in 2010 we are planning on further expanding the team.

Also in 2009, Paula graduated from Law school and is now studying for the BAR exam for both NY and NJ in February 2010.

We also took a cross country drive! One of the best trips, probably better than all of our trips except for our honeymoon in the Cayman Islands. We drove from our home in New Jersey to Cleveland, OH, to Chicago, IL, to St Louis, MO, to Kansas City, MO, to Denver, CO, to Salt Lake City, UT, to Lake Tahoe, NV, to Sacramento, CA! It was a once in a life time trip with amazing experiences!

A week after we got back to NJ from our cross country drive in August 2009, my father passed away. The last time I heard from him was a day before we left for our cross country trip. It was a screaming voicemail from him. Pretty typical from him actually. We just couldn’t see eye to eye. He was out of my life for 12 years and when he came back, he wanted to just pick up like he never left, but I didn’t have the time nor the desire to do it that way. If he wanted a relationship, I was opened to that, but we had to work on it and start slow. Also I expected him to the bulk of the work. But he just wanted to sweep it under the carpet, and those who know me, know that’s an impossibility. Especially after not even calling me more than a handful of times after he left, except after hearing through the grape vine that I had a serious girlfriend, he called to tell me he was glad I wasn’t gay.

Anyway, after hearing his voicemail, I tried to call him back, and left my own voicemail, telling him I saw his missed call on my phone, and pretended not to hear the voicemail, but he never returned my call. My father’s family and I had a big falling out since his death…

Turning 30 was big for me. There’s a lot of childish things that I started to put away. I felt that my twenties I was still a young man and a kid at heart. But now, I know it’s time to be a fully grown man, and it’s time to be a family man, the head of my own family.

Paula threw me a awesome 30th birthday party with my friends and family (mostly family, as I have a big family :) Being Italian and all…). It was local, as I love my Bridgewater town! There was a surprise party at this awesome place called Chimmeny Rock Inn, and than bowling. My first game I bowled in 10 years I scored a 169! Not too shabby man! :)

So the first decade of the 21st century, has been very important for me and Paula. We graduated college, got a jobs on Wall street which helped to give our family seed money to grow, took a quick detour for an MBA, we got married, went to law school, drove coast-to-coast, and I grew up from being a boy to a young man to now a evolving man. And now waiting for the next decade to start with hopes and dreams.

So what are my hope and dreams and expectations for the next 10 years. Well, I think these next 10 years will be the most important in Paula and my family, in terms of growing it. We will start having kids, probably buy our next house which will probably be the house we live in until our kids go to college and move out, and maybe the last “primary residence” we buy for the rest our life (not taking into consideration a possible downgrade when we retire). I’m hoping to also buy a vacation house. I think we will also firmly establish us financially in the next decade. The first decade of our life together, I think was a great start financially. I think we are on schedule for our plans in terms of property. I think we are slightly behind on having kids, but we are going to correcting this soon! :) I hope to becoming Senior Vice President soon, and to continue growing in my career. And I hope that together with Paula’s help once she passes the BAR this winter, we will be able to firmly secure our financial future and position us well for the decade after this one to grow our retirement nest egg.

Hopefully the next decade will be full of children, health, happiness, and prosperity for our family.

And I wish everyone a happy, healthy, and prosperous new decade for all!

-R